OK I know that I have been a long time lurker on here but things are starting to progress with me so I thought I would crawl out from under my rock and ask for your advice/opinions.
When I was about 11 or 12 I used to where my sisters clothes in secret, sometimes I would even put on some of her make up, at the time, as I'm sure is common I used to tell myself it was wrong and I'd stop for a while only to start again and then be consumed by guilt.
Now I've always been straight as an arrow (on the outside anyway) I'm 32 now and I have been watching shemale porn since I was in my mid 20's (thanks Kimber James you are the one that started this for me lol)
Anyway things kind of graduated from shemale porn to sissy humiliation and forced bi videos, I've always had this feeling hidden away that I would love to be a woman, I've actually gone out and bought some female clothes for me to wear in private, its really confusing/scary because I don't know how far I want this to go.
will I eventually decide that it isn't for me or will I be happy to do it every now and again in private, maybe I want this to be a full time thing, will I go out and find a man who will use me and treat me as a sissy or will I want someone who will treat me and accept me a female.
I'm 100% in the closet, even though I've never done anything sexually with a male I consider myself to be bi, my problem is that I can only imagine being with a male when I am dressed, here in lies my problem, I'm 32 years old and I don't think I would ever be able to pass, does this mean I will be confined to doing this in private and fantasizing about it for the rest of my life, I feel as though it would be utterly humiliating if someone saw me dressed like this, there is almost nothing feminine about me, I mean I can work on it in private but there is only so much I can do.
Also if this continues to grow and is something I was to finally decide I wanted to be more permanent what about my family, there is no way they would ever understand.
Sorry if this is a done to death topic or if it isn't the right place to be talking about it, I was just hoping to have a chat with some genuine CD's or TS's and see if any of you went through the same thing.
I just feel like I've left it too late to start getting into this too deeply now
