A Shocking Confession

[hondarobot]

I have a somewhat odd confession I feel the need to make. I'm not looking for some goofy group hug or trying to get attention, it's just something that's been bugging me my whole life and I think it's about time I said something about it. I'm sure there are probably other people like me that are afraid to speak up and are probably having a pretty miserable life keeping things a secret.

I'm a TS. Yes, that sucked typing that and I'm sure it's the last thing anybody actually wanted to read. I don't live as a girl, I don't even want to be a girl, and I'm not attracted to men so I don't feel the need to make any physical changes. It's a hard deal being born a guy, having a girls brain and emotions, and being only attracted to girls to top it all off.

What in the world makes me think I'm trans, especially if I have no desire to physically be female? Well, physically I am fairly girl like. 5' 6", 135lbs, nice eye lashes, use to have hair down to my ass (and it's a pretty damn nice ass), all sorts of things. I shave my head now, have a beard, and so on to accentuate the male thing. I really wish I was 100% guy, life would be easier, but I'm not. People generally figure it out about me, most girls I've known don't really mind, they eventually come to the wrong conclusion that I'm gay.

I'm pretty sure Vicki figured things out awhile ago. When I met her the first thing I asked her was about her shoes, then proceeded to pick apart a quesadilla while chattering away about loopy stuff. Don't get me wrong, I don't act like some queenie guy, most people have no idea at all, I put on a good act. I'm just posting this to get things off my chest. I've been acting crazy a lot lately online, and especially getting on Vicki's nerves I'm sure with a ton of nonsense. I feel bad that I tried so hard this last year to convince her I was a "manly man", but I just couldn't make myself be that.

If their are any other guys here like me, don't worry you're not crazy. I suppose the decision to physical transform is a subject the girls could address. I'm fine how I am, a non-op transgender lesbian sorta thing.

You can't choose the kind of brain you're born with, but you can be honest with yourself and others.

And yes, if you think "that sucked! what's this wuss going on about!" just think how much I really didn't want to post it.

[BeardedOne]

Interesting post, Honda, and don't feel bad about letting it out.

I'm fine how I am, a non-op transgender lesbian sorta thing.

I can somewhat relate to this, having been dubbed a "male lesbian" by a number of wimmin that I know (And have "known" ). The psych types even came 'round with a term for it: Transhomosexual, being 'gay' but being attracted to gay people of the =opposite= gender.

Yah, go figure. It's made my intimate relationships like a day in Hell's Amusement Park. A ride on the roller-coaster with a dyke, the teacup ride with a bi-girl, a roll in the clown-car with a straight girl and a bi-curious guy, and finally a clumsy tour of the Tunnel o' Love with some nice T-gurl. In the end, I'm just a guy trying to make it to the exit gate without falling into the alligator pond.

I've never questioned my personal gender identity (I'm a guy, I have a dick, and I consider myself...well...a guy), but I've had people (Usually women) tell me that I think like a woman. Historically speaking (IMO), if that were so, I'd still be in one or more of my past relationships because, if I could really think like one, I'd surely have sensed the brick in the air before it whacked me in the head.

But I digress.

In the end there's only one thing that counts: Are you happy with you?

[/img]

[hondarobot]

Thanks for the feedback, BeardedOne. I imagine it could be argued that lacking a need to change gender, a person couldn't actually be considered Transgendered. I would tend to agree, so I don't know what the condition of having "girl brain" is exactly.

I do know that after I wrote that I instinctively put one hand on my waist, rubbed my nose and read what I just wrote. I have to watch myself constantly or I end up walking in a non-masculine way, hold my cigarette up in the air like a girl, just a million little things.

Having intuition is nice, as well as being able to use Girl Power at times. In my case it works well on the gay guys at work ("I can't lift this thing, could you help me?"). Hehehe, it's not all bad.

[BeardedOne]

I imagine it could be argued that lacking a need to change gender, a person couldn't actually be considered Transgendered.

Well, I know more than a few geniuses (Genii?) that don't have a college degree, so you can still be considered transgendered without the physical overhaul. A friend once wrote on gender/roleplay issues and developed a graphic based on the Kinsey 1-6 scale of sexual identity. It looked something like a game of Pick-Up-Stix, each 'stick' representing a 1-6 scale of male/female, gay/straight. butch/fem, Dom/sub, etc. The variables are endless, depending on where an individual falls on each scale relative to their own life and experiences. In gender identity I would consider myself floating somewhere around the 2-3 mark (Where 1 would be male and 6 female) while you might come closer to the 5 and someone like Allanah or Vicki would fall in the 5-6 neighborhood.

George Clooney would be -1.

I would tend to agree, so I don't know what the condition of having "girl brain" is exactly.

Careful, it almost sounds like 'mad cow' in that reference. Of course, there was that one girl...

Having intuition is nice, as well as being able to use Girl Power at times. In my case it works well on the gay guys at work ("I can't lift this thing, could you help me?"). Hehehe, it's not all bad.

Hmm...I'll have to try that.

[GroobySteven]

[BeardedOne]

Bda-bda-bda-bda-bda-bda-bda-bda-bda-bda-What are you trying to say, Seanchai?



Like the rest of us aren't?

[Legend]

I have a somewhat odd confession I feel the need to make. I'm not looking for some goofy group hug or trying to get attention, it's just something that's been bugging me my whole life and I think it's about time I said something about it. I'm sure there are probably other people like me that are afraid to speak up and are probably having a pretty miserable life keeping things a secret.

I'm a TS. Yes, that sucked typing that and I'm sure it's the last thing anybody actually wanted to read. I don't live as a girl, I don't even want to be a girl, and I'm not attracted to men so I don't feel the need to make any physical changes. It's a hard deal being born a guy, having a girls brain and emotions, and being only attracted to girls to top it all off.

What in the world makes me think I'm trans, especially if I have no desire to physically be female? Well, physically I am fairly girl like. 5' 6", 135lbs, nice eye lashes, use to have hair down to my ass (and it's a pretty damn nice ass), all sorts of things. I shave my head now, have a beard, and so on to accentuate the male thing. I really wish I was 100% guy, life would be easier, but I'm not. People generally figure it out about me, most girls I've known don't really mind, they eventually come to the wrong conclusion that I'm gay.

I'm pretty sure Vicki figured things out awhile ago. When I met her the first thing I asked her was about her shoes, then proceeded to pick apart a quesadilla while chattering away about loopy stuff. Don't get me wrong, I don't act like some queenie guy, most people have no idea at all, I put on a good act. I'm just posting this to get things off my chest. I've been acting crazy a lot lately online, and especially getting on Vicki's nerves I'm sure with a ton of nonsense. I feel bad that I tried so hard this last year to convince her I was a "manly man", but I just couldn't make myself be that.

If their are any other guys here like me, don't worry you're not crazy. I suppose the decision to physical transform is a subject the girls could address. I'm fine how I am, a non-op transgender lesbian sorta thing.

You can't choose the kind of brain you're born with, but you can be honest with yourself and others.

And yes, if you think "that sucked! what's this wuss going on about!" just think how much I really didn't want to post it.

LMAO

[Harrys Boy]

your honesty is admirable

[AllanahStarrNYC]

maybe you are just a man who is very feminine-

i don't think that means you are a ts, unless you have a deep desire to change your body, or crossdress- then maybe you are a crossdresser?

there are men who are straight but are very feminine

[Ecstatic]

I can certainly relate to having strong feminine characteristics whilst still being entirely masculine. A year or so ago there was a thread here (I'm far too lazy to go looking for it) about writing style reflecting how feminine or masculine you are, and I tended to score at least halfway feminine, if not more so. Another quiz (a little silly but interesting; go to http://www.blogthings.com/howboyishorgirlishareyouquiz/ if you're curious) assess how boyish or girlish you are, and I landed smack dab in the middle 50/50. And I've seen similar results elsewhere. Doesn't make me remotely transgendered, other than in the sense that no human being is 100% one or the other, but rather has some of each (ye olde yin-yang <--- see my avatar). I tend to think that I exhibit some of the best characteristics of both genders, but hey, that's just my solipsistic, egocentric viewpoint.