Relationship question/problems

[dickten]

I think she could be Bi Polar and when you add drinking that can add fuel to the fire. Had an Uncle with similar mood swings, extreme highs and lows. She has never had money to get some good counseling, but I offered, she said I was just labeling her out of my need, maybe she's right. As for her past, pretty rough with some step father fondling and oral stuff for a couple of years at 11 and 12, she tells me she was not penetrated, but that's enough to fuck anybody up. I had a priest "try" and touch me at 14 and that messed with my head for years, lucky I fought back, but it made me question why he tried with me, was I the gay type? Etc... That made me a GG womanizer for years. Well still not sure what to do, I still care for her a great deal. Her cousin called me last night and asked if I would help with some banking stuff for her small business, I said of course, but she would have to ask me to my face. Little does she know that her credit is now solid again from all my help! I need to give her the good news so she can fuck that up again too, might give us a chance to talk. We shall see, I guess I'm just starting to sound pissy, but thanks for all the advice here!!

[gaysian71]

I think it's probably a hormonal thing with your girlfriend. If her estrogen level drops, she may have some aggressive tendancies.

I once dated a woman similar to yours. She is a bottom most of the time. But one night I was sucking her like I usually did to get her aroused. It was late and I was tired, so I stopped sucking her. She told me if I didn't start sucking her again, she was gonna top me. I just laid there to see what she would do. She rolled me on my back, lifted my legs and fucked me hard. I loved it, but found out she had not had her hormones in several weeks.

I'm not sure if that's the deal with your girl
But it might be.

[DeseosEscandulosos]

If you've never been anally penetrated before, it's probably not a good idea try it with a drunk partner. Most people who are familiar with it say that the anus requires some preparation. Drunks tend to be clumsy and impatient. I've never bottomed, so I'm just passing on what I've been told.

Your girl sounds like she's got a love/hate relationship with her dick. She wants to use it, but she identifies as a woman, and using her dick makes her feel like a gay man instead of a woman. She has occasional brief moments when desire is stronger than aversion, usually when she's drunk. Once the desire is gone, she hates herself and turns the hatred outward at the man she's just fucked, and the man becomes a "faggot".

To make matters worse, she was sexually abused as a child, and sex is now a shameful topic. She can't acknowledge her desires to herself or to you, or talk about sex with a therapist.

I wouldn't try to force her into a face-to-face meeting. If I'm right about her, seeing you will just remind her that she used her dick and that will arouse more self-hatred. The best you could hope for in that situation is that she would be sullen and uncommunicative. If she wants to meet with you or talk to you, she'll let you know, and a meeting that she initiates will probably go a lot better.

On the other hand, you can't continue to provide free financial services to someone who won't even talk to you. If the situation continues as is, let the cousin know in the nicest way possible that your girl needs to get help somewhere else. Beyond that, start dating casually, look up the friends you haven't seen much of since the relationship started, focus more on your job, and create a life for yourself that doesn't center around her.

You're going to rebound faster than she does. Take care of yourself first, but be as kind as you can. You'll have less to regret later.

[dickten]

Wow, thoughtful, articulate and refreshingly good advice, thanks to all, maybe this place still has redeemable qualities. I have decided to move on! Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.

[holzz]

I think she could be Bi Polar and when you add drinking that can add fuel to the fire. Had an Uncle with similar mood swings, extreme highs and lows. She has never had money to get some good counseling, but I offered, she said I was just labeling her out of my need, maybe she's right. As for her past, pretty rough with some step father fondling and oral stuff for a couple of years at 11 and 12, she tells me she was not penetrated, but that's enough to fuck anybody up. I had a priest "try" and touch me at 14 and that messed with my head for years, lucky I fought back, but it made me question why he tried with me, was I the gay type? Etc... That made me a GG womanizer for years. Well still not sure what to do, I still care for her a great deal. Her cousin called me last night and asked if I would help with some banking stuff for her small business, I said of course, but she would have to ask me to my face. Little does she know that her credit is now solid again from all my help! I need to give her the good news so she can fuck that up again too, might give us a chance to talk. We shall see, I guess I'm just starting to sound pissy, but thanks for all the advice here!!

she just seems fucked up, that's all.

I don't see how she can call you gay for bottoming then want you to bottom. imho, she doesn't seem worth your time.

[DeseosEscandulosos]

My guess is that she's dishing out only a small portion of the mind fucks that she's received.

[holzz]

if so, more reason to dump her.

[DeseosEscandulosos]

she just seems fucked up, that's all.

If by "fucked up", you mean "female born with a male body, sexually abused as a child, did sex work and depends on her boyfriend for financial help because of hiring discrimination, confused and afraid of her own sexual desires", I agree.

she doesn't seem worth your time.

There must be some way of saying this that doesn't send the message to people who have had similar experiences and made similar mistakes that they're not deserving of love.

[Devilboy]

My guess is that she's dishing out only a small portion of the mind fucks that she's received.

Just because one experiences poor treatment doesn't mean they have to perpetuate it...no matter or past we are all responsible for our actions.

Make the world a better place, one action at a time.

[Post Op Preferred]

Great thread, and thanks to the OP and others for sharing. i have known and loved t girls for 25 years, and if I had to endure the rejection, risk, fear, discrimination, and ostracism they've suffered I'd probably be crazier than I am. I am saner because of my love for and from these special girls, each of whom carries a karmic burden and gift that, if we treat them right, we can share and learn from. But the karmic burden is theirs, and it's crushing. All too many die to soon, and still those who survive carry ever heavier loads of hate and rejection. I praise Obama and his AG Loretta Lynch for pushing for their rights, but every legal step forward seems to trigger two cultural steps back. Amerika, i despair.