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Thread: Bill Maher: freelevi.org
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09-20-2008 #1
- Join Date
- Jul 2005
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- The United States of kiss-my-ass
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- 8,004
Bill Maher: freelevi.org
New Rule: If we can’t, after all is said and done, make this election go the right way, at least we can save one man. I’m talking about young Master Levi Johnston. He’s the 18-year-old Alaskan hockey enthusiast who knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter, and the National Enquirer describes him as “a boozing pot-smoker who doesn’t want to get married” – and John McCain thinks he found his soul mate!
We’ve all recently seen how evil henchman of the Republican party captured this poor innocent out of his natural habitat and forced him into a shotgun wedding, all so that their campaign narrative of fake family values could be upheld. When the 17-year-old daughter of the vice presidential candidate running on the Jesus ticket is “out to here,” it’s just better that Levi was introduced as the “fiancé.” Looks a little less white trashy.
But that doesn’t change the fact that right now Levi is America’s number one political prisoner. But Levi, you don’t have to be – this is the 21st century, at least in the blue states. We don’t have sharia law like in Saudi Arabia, or Alabama, and as much as the Bible thumpers would want it, we still don’t have arranged marriages in America. You don’t have to do this – you have options. You can pull a Juno – fuck, you live in Juneau! Or you could do what most people do with an unwanted child: give it to Angelina Jolie.
And if you’re worried about the baby, don’t – let’s get real dude, the way you are at 18, a baby’s better off not being around you – you’ll wind up losing it, or shooting it, or it’ll be on the bottom of your skate or something – just let the Palin womenfolk look after it for a while, one more infant in that Mormon compound they call a house won’t bother anybody – they’ll barely notice another kid at the table, and soon they won’t even remember whose seed it was that produced young “Trink” or “Truck” or “Puck” or whatever fucked up redneck name they give him.
In any event, we here at Real Time have taken the liberty of purchasing the website FreeLevi.org. And I will be happy to give the site over to you if you want to use it to get folks to contribute to some sort of liberty fund so you can get enough money to get out of that frozen meth lab they call a town. And even if the money doesn’t come in, listen to me, it’s not too late: just grab your skull bong, climb out the window, and get on the highway. I can’t actually come get you, or even let you stay at my place because I’m pretty sure you’d smoke all my weed, but just call me from a pay phone, I know of a safe house you can stay ‘til after the election, it’s like the witness protection program for baby-daddies.
And remember, Levi: California knows how to party. Trust me, the girls out here are going to love a big, high-sticking farm boy like you. If you play your cards right, in a couple weeks you could be screwing the lesbian right out of Lindsay Lohan.
http://freelevi.org/Real_Time_with_Bill_Maher.html
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Poe
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09-20-2008 #2
one of the few rants of his that i did enjoy.
blckhaze- A quickie in the back of a carriage going around Central park south
RubyTS- been there done that :P
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09-20-2008 #3
- Join Date
- Dec 2006
- Location
- My own private Idaho
- Posts
- 570
I just wonder what he was promised (threatened with) to go along with this. What 17 yr old wants to get married?
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09-20-2008 #4
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
- Posts
- 90
Damn I would hate to be that kid. When my 17 yr old GF got preggers we snuck off and got her an abortion, without her parents knowing.
The good news is if Obama wins he can probably call the thing off. On the other hand if McCain wins if he plays his cards rights it could lead to a cushy gov'ment job.
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09-20-2008 #5Originally Posted by PapaGrande
And maybe its easier to withdraw from life
With all of its misery and wretched lies
If we're dead when tomorrow's gone
The Big Machine will just move on
Still we cling afraid we'll fall
Clinging like the memory which haunts us all
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09-20-2008 #6
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
- Location
- NYC
- Posts
- 1,274
Originally Posted by SarahG
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09-20-2008 #7Originally Posted by scroller
Having her kid keep the baby and then stay married is pivotal in showing her commitment to distorted "family values"
And maybe its easier to withdraw from life
With all of its misery and wretched lies
If we're dead when tomorrow's gone
The Big Machine will just move on
Still we cling afraid we'll fall
Clinging like the memory which haunts us all
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09-20-2008 #8
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
- Posts
- 90
Originally Posted by SarahG
Also this election is very much about the circumstances, she is (maybe) the right person for right now, but the next election cycle there may not be as much demand for a "reformer/outsider", especially when McBama fail to deliver on the promises of making Washington different, cause it ain't happening.
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09-21-2008 #9
- Join Date
- Jul 2005
- Location
- The United States of kiss-my-ass
- Posts
- 8,004
After his buddies see what happened to him I suspect that they'll all be wearing condoms the next time that they decide to dip their wick into some young caribou queen...
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Poe
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09-21-2008 #10
- Join Date
- Jul 2005
- Location
- Burninating the country side.
- Posts
- 1,609
Sarah is just Tina Fey's evil twin. :P
Burninating the country side, burninating the peasants. Burninating all the people in their thatched roof cottages....THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES!!!!!