The True Life Costs of Being TS

[Devon]

Everyone on this board likes to check out the ladyboy, the brazilians, or whoever, ....but do any of you truly understand what a tgirl sacrifices personally when she comes out and begins her transition? Losing a spouse, possbly a child, as well many other family members.....
Its not just the phony made up pictorial scenes you guys so covet; There is much more to the stories behind these girls and the lifes they have led.

Personally. I have lost a marriage, a few family members and quite a few "friends". Just coming out and starting this transition has cost me quite a lot and made me second-guess myself many times (If i am doing the right thing for myself and for my little girl whom i love so much.)

The pain i feel right now in the worst I have ever felt. I feel like I am someone that my whole family has to get together with a counselor just to be able to deal with ther feelings about it. I mean, i'm glad they are doing that, but it just seems that suddenly after "dropping the bomb" on em all....they all talk AROUND me and not to me. So who knows. Even though they say they support me and all, its like i'm the last one they wan to talk to about it these days......


I have never felt so alone in my whole life......

I guess my point is; enjoy the porn and all, but just don't forget the sacrifices many of these girls have made.

[thx1138]

As they say: "No pain - no gain." Perhaps you could have eased your family into acceptance by only crossdressing for a few years. For example I don't mind my wife wearing my T shirts. she loves their bagginess and feels a sense of power while wearing them. Being a kind sensitive husband I merely smile and indulge her fantasies.

[SexyMagdi]

As they say: "No pain - no gain." Perhaps you could have eased your family into acceptance by only crossdressing for a few years. For example I don't mind my wife wearing my T shirts. she loves their bagginess and feels a sense of power while wearing them. Being a kind sensitive husband I merely smile and indulge her fantasies.

Um wearing your shirt and doing that is not crossdressing millions of women do that. If she dresses completely in your clothes and pretends to be a man then shes a crossdresser.

[yodajazz]

I hear you. There are many people here who apreciate, the sacrifice our girls (women), have gone through. Others have asked what is our attraction if it is just not about cock. Your post is the other side. You are a courageous person who has risked all to achieve an inner peace. Life's struggles can be difficult for many of us. I wish you the best. Just remember that you have a larger family, that is a community that is on your side.

I personally believe that transexuals are on earth to help teach acceptance. Humans are a lot more than chromosones and other physical characteristics.

[SexyMagdi]

Everyone on this board likes to check out the ladyboy, the brazilians, or whoever, ....but do any of you truly understand what a tgirl sacrifices personally when she comes out and begins her transition? Losing a spouse, possbly a child, as well many other family members.....
Its not just the phony made up pictorial scenes you guys so covet; There is much more to the stories behind these girls and the lifes they have led.

Personally. I have lost a marriage, a few family members and quite a few "friends". Just comiing out and starting this transition has cost quite a lot and made me second-guess myself many times (If i am doing the right thing for my self and for my little girl whom i love soo ssooo soo much.)

The pain i feel irght now in the worst I have ever felt. I feel like I am someone that my whoe family has to get together with counselor just to be able to deal with ther feelings about it. I mean , i'm glad they are doing that, but it just seems that sudden't after "dropping the bomb" on em all....they all talk AROUND me and shit. So who knows. even though they support me and all, its like i'm the last one they wan to talk to about it these days......


I have never felt so alone in my whole life......

I guess my point is; enjoy the porn and all, but just don't forget the sacrifices many of these girls have made to bring you that jerk material.:Even when you see it for free on HA, A price has been surely paid by the girls on this board. -end rant

Oh sweety I feel your pain I went through many of the pains you suffered. Except loosing a daughter I dont have kids yet. But Im still a crossdresser but I go out sometime dressed and even to family functions dressed up. My entire family knows Im a crossdresser and one day wish to become a TS. But I took it in steps I told my aunt whos the only smart one in my family. She was skeptical about it but soon grew to it and completely understood, and our relationship became much stronger. Later I revealed it slowly to my parents then family. Of course many of my family members dont like my change, and many of them dont even talk to me. And if they do they tell me "Fuck off you gender cofused fuck" it hurts evertime I hear it. And Ive caught my family even parents talking behind my back about my decision. I lost very good friends bacause many where homofobic. And Im not gay. But they never bothered to understand or hear me out. So remember when you feel these pains your not the only one whos suffering.

[justatransgirl]

self-delete for revision after posting in wee hours

Hugs,
TS Jamie :-)

[elvis_p]

If you come to know any transgendered person, OF COURSE you will come to understand (and quickly) the enormous challenges and heartbreak they endure.
Nothing at all about transitioning is for the faint of heart. I'm not transitioning, though I've lost friends too because of my preference.

In my experience, the sad fact is that some people, be they friends and/or family, are left behind. After two years of transitioning including hormones and dealing with work, an ex-girlfriend of mine completely abandoned her transition because of how her two sons felt, remaining issues at work, clashes with her family...

Hopefully you have a support network beyond your family (even one online) that you can turn to and lean on. That your family is attending counseling regarding your situation is encouraging - sounds like they are making an effort versus shutting you out completely as others suffer through.

Listen to 'justatransgirl': you are not alone, and support can be found be it here or URNA or the tgboards to name a few.

[Devon]

Thanks for all the kinds words guys, I really do appreciate the support :)

[yodajazz]

Thanks for all the kinds words guys, I really do appreciate the support :)

After reading your post, I gave it some thought. This is an option to think about. But I know everyone is different. Here it is. If your family’s blessings are so important to you, I read some cases where people who want to transition agree to compromise. That would be to spend part time as a male, for example week days. They then allow the person to freedom to be their feminine side the other time. This is only a temporary solution, but it does allow time for others to adjust, and for the transitioner to get more real life experience in their role.

This may not be for you, but I have read others who went this route through transition.

[BrendaQG]

I'm not going to tell you my life story I already wrote it (http://www.geocities.com/hontasfx/why.html). The almost unique part of my life story is how much trouble being interested in science has caused me. Even some people who were accepting of kids like me found it disconcerting that such a person would be interested in that topic. That bias effects me to this day. I even tried to conform for a while, now I say fuck em.

People who would not stick by you as you go through this aren't real friends. Just loose thier numbers and forget em.

[Star]

Maybe YOU shouldnt of had babies with a woman......

i think it's really wrong from a man to have kids with a woman and get married and then change into a woman.... something wrong with that.

people just dont wake up one day and say that they are actually women...

your born with feeling from the start....anything else is just crazy people....the end....

....i don't think im going to go on..... i think its been brought up already.

[Legend]

Maybe YOU shouldnt of had babies with a woman......

i think it's really wrong from a man to have kids with a woman and get married and then change into a woman.... something wrong with that.

people just dont wake up one day and say that they are actually women...

your born with feeling from the start....anything else is just crazy people....the end....

....i don't think im going to go on..... i think its been brought up already.

I know you are entitled to your opinion but you should experiece more in life before making bold opinions like that,i don't think you or anyway should be saying its wrong to have children unless you have been through it.

[Vicki Richter]

Maybe YOU shouldnt of had babies with a woman......

i think it's really wrong from a man to have kids with a woman and get married and then change into a woman.... something wrong with that.

people just dont wake up one day and say that they are actually women...

your born with feeling from the start....anything else is just crazy people....the end....

....i don't think im going to go on..... i think its been brought up already.

I think you are confusing sexuality and transexuality. What does impregnating a woman have to do with being a TS? Being a TS means that we should never procreate? Why is that? Because it's wrong? I think it is more natural than two fags adopting.

My point is there are many transsexual lesbians - even post ops. I know several "stars" in our genre who have had a child or children. Furthermore, lesbian females can go get invitro and raise children in a two mother house. What makes that wrong? Society's norms? Fuck that.

I believe the people that have the most difficult time coming out are the ones that just start wearing dresses one day... or go full time when they haven't done the right steps leading up to it... at least in my opinion. They struggle more convincing their doctors they are real TS, etc.

When I told my family, I had already been on hormones for a year, had my face lasered for a year and a half, been wearing earrings in both ears, had longer hair, plucked eyebrows, and was going to Thailand in 24 hours to get fairly extreme FFS, implants, etc. They had seen changes in me and had an idea something was up.

I also believe having in having a good transition you have to prove or indicate that you can do this well without being a spectacle in society. Your family wants to know you are going to have a decent life. What had you done before you came out to them to prep them? What had you planned? I swear if you are one of the ones who just started wearing a dress, a wig, and makeup one day, I feel you deserve all the difficulty transitioning.

[Vicki Richter]

Maybe YOU shouldnt of had babies with a woman......

i think it's really wrong from a man to have kids with a woman and get married and then change into a woman.... something wrong with that.

people just dont wake up one day and say that they are actually women...

your born with feeling from the start....anything else is just crazy people....the end....

....i don't think im going to go on..... i think its been brought up already.

I know you are entitled to your opinion but should experiece more in life before making bold opinions like that,i don't think you or anyway should be saying its wrong to have children unless you have been through it.

Shut up Legend, you don't deserve to have an opinion on this issue. What have you sacrificed jackass?

[Legend]

Maybe YOU shouldnt of had babies with a woman......

i think it's really wrong from a man to have kids with a woman and get married and then change into a woman.... something wrong with that.

people just dont wake up one day and say that they are actually women...

your born with feeling from the start....anything else is just crazy people....the end....

....i don't think im going to go on..... i think its been brought up already.

I know you are entitled to your opinion but should experiece more in life before making bold opinions like that,i don't think you or anyway should be saying its wrong to have children unless you have been through it.

Shut up Legend, you don't deserve to have an opinion on this issue. What have you sacrificed jackass?

WTF are you talking about i haven't given a opinion to devon all on this matter,all i have done is tell star someone who from her previous post haven't really experince much before she can say that having children is wrong she should expereince transitioning first or life for that matter.

[Night Rider]

ur not judge judy legend....stick to club kids and video games

[Legend]

ur not judge judy legend....stick to club kids and video games

Do you really have to stick your nose in everything with some worthless comment thats totally illrelevant to the topic at hand,read my post you worthless idiot i'm not judging anyone,do you really think before you post judging from your post count you post whatever you think in other words get a life and stop posting so much and please don't give out that lame car accident excuse.

[bellamy]

And it starts..................... :popcorn

[BrendaQG]

Maybe YOU shouldnt of had babies with a woman......

i think it's really wrong from a man to have kids with a woman and get married and then change into a woman.... something wrong with that.

people just dont wake up one day and say that they are actually women...

your born with feeling from the start....anything else is just crazy people....the end....

....i don't think im going to go on..... i think its been brought up already.

Well Star you are missing the point. It is true that people who appeared to just change over night exist. But so what? Either you are a transsexual or you are not. There is not a matter of right or wrong involved. Such people often try to keep it under wraps and raise their kids to adulthood then make the change.

Another thing you forgot to consider is that in the past and to an extent even now a heterosexual marriage is requiered for conventional success. By which I mean making a living in a career which is not a gay stereotype. There was a time, and there are still places where being a single person makes society assume you are gay. Then you experience basically homophobic discrimination.

Don't confuse transsexuality with sexuality they are two independent variables.

[melissacarter]

The cost? Hmmm, let's see...there's the utter silence of my family, I've been fired from two jobs and now my current job is in jeopardy in a roundabout way due to my TS status. I always feel one step from the street and have never saved a penny due to the price of these procedures and medications. Oh, let's not forget being kicked out by my landlady last year even though I paid my rent on time. Um, a lump in my right breast that requires a mamogram every six months, countless painful hours at the electrologist, the near starvation diet I must maintain due to estrogen & progesterone's weight gain tendency and the constant explaining to government agencies and police when they see my male identity on a driver's license and question it.

But you use the word "cost"...I see it more as "expense". Because the "profit" of living my life as a woman makes it all worthwhile. I never regretted a penny spent, a relationship lost or a pain endured for my transition. We make choices, and we need to know the consequences. I knew this before I started and would do it again in a heartbeat.

If you want to read the gory details it's all here:

http://melissacarter.net/melissastory.html

p.s. for the person who commented that having kids excludes one from becoming a TS, get a grip.

[Devon]

...

[Legend]

Since certain people think its their business to judge that i have a child....let me just say that she was from a one night stand (obviosly not my wifey) and i never even knew she was possibly mine until she was 2 weeks old. From there i went and spent over $6000 to get joint physical and legal custody of a 3 1/2 month old. (Don't talk shit about stuff you don't know about ). She is that absolute BEST thing to ever happen to me in my life, and i would give my life for her.


What had you planned? I swear if you are one of the ones who just started wearing a dress, a wig, and makeup one day, I feel you deserve all the difficulty transitioning.

I have been in therapy for over a year, laser for a couple months, and talked to my parents and bro and sis all individually to explain things.

What some of you are missing is the PAIN that I carry with me.......i can't talk about anymore its hurting me too much right now

You sound like a good parent.

[Devon]

thank you legend...I do my best :)

[BrendaQG]

I humbly provide the following links to better websites for what you are looking for.

www.trueselves.com

www.beginninglife.com

Those are very supportive places for people just starting to deal with issues of not only being transgendered but part of the overall GLBTI community. Peace.

[whatsupwithat]

this is a beautiful thread. thank you for sharing your story.

devon, and everyone else, i am sorry to hear of the pain and suffering you have gone through and are still going through. if anything, please know that there are people, like myself, who recognize and are humbled your courage to not only accept yourself but to do it in the face of such adversity.

much peace and love to each and everyone of you.

[peggygee]

Devon, it may be very hard to believe it at this point in time, but it does
get better.

As the hormones take effect and feminize you, as you undergo the
various cosmetic surgeries that will make you more passable, as you
do the therapy, and introspection to make you more comfortable with
yourself, as you further your education and acquire other marketable
skills, all of the above combines in a synergestic fashion and you will
find that you are the woman that you have dreamed of becoming.

Of course there will be other challenges to face, but hopefully it will be the
problems faced by the mainstream.

Time has a way of healing many wounds and solving many problems. Your
family may be experiencing difficulty with your decsision, but if as has
been stated they can see that this is something serious to you, and that
you are doing it in the appropriate manner they should come around.

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2/magi43/thepyramid1.gif

[Star]

I'm not confusing "sexuality" with "transexuality"....

... I just think it's wrong, for a man to get married, as a man, to a woman, and then decide to have and raise a baby... i don't thinks it's very fair on the child....

....if my dad decided to change his gender all of a sudden then i wold think thats wrong!

im not saying that transexuals cant be lesbian and have to be straight or anything.....

...i don't know....i can't describe myself properly....whatever....

i just think thats so random

[Legend]

I'm not confusing "sexuality" with "transexuality"....

... I just think it's wrong, for a man to get married, as a man, to a woman, and then decide to have and raise a baby... i don't thinks it's very fair on the child....

....if my dad decided to change his gender all of a sudden then i wold think thats wrong!

im not saying that transexuals cant be lesbian and have to be straight or anything.....

...i don't know....i can't describe myself properly....whatever....

i just think thats so random


You need to live life first,as long as the person loves there child it shouldn't matter what gender they are,its so random because you haven't seen much in life.


"....if my dad decided to change his gender all of a sudden then i wold think thats wrong! "

How would you feel if they thought your transition was wrong from one of your post you made a couple weeks ago i think it would hurt you if they thought your transitioning was wrong.Didn't you want appectance from them so don't you think you could accept your dad if he was going through what you have been going through.

[Star]

^ ummmmmm no