dating a trans women/adult model/escort

[METALFACE]

It's alot, most men would probably not want to be in a relationship with a women that is all three let alone just one. But when you love that person unconditionally it all doesn't matter. You need to have her back in her transition as a women, you need to put your pride aside and know that doing porn and escorting is just a FANTASY. It can be hard at times, but at the end of the day she wants you in her life.

XO

[amberskyi]

It's alot, most men would probably not want to be in a relationship with a women that is all three let alone just one. But when you love that person unconditionally it all doesn't matter. You need to have her back in her transition as a women, you need to put your pride aside and know that doing porn and escorting is just a FANTASY. It can be hard at times, but at the end of the day she wants you in her life.

XO

it definitely can be a bit difficult but as long as there is a certain level of trust and communication it can be done....

[METALFACE]

Yes communication and trust are key, its has be 50/50

[MdR Dave]

. . .you need to put your pride aside and know that doing porn and escorting is just a FANTASY.

You need to put your FANTASY aside and realize that porn and escorting is getting fucked over and over by a lot of guys who aren't you. (Porn at least is controlled- the partners, STD testing, etc. )

Post again after you've dropped her off or picked her up for a tour of some other city, and gotten the pictures of her a "date" took at some major landmark or tourist attraction. Post after you've leaned in to kiss her and her mouth smelled like latex. Post again when you've seen her Eros and Backpages ads and done the math with her spending vs. her prices.

Post again when you're willing to say "This is nasty, fucked up shit but I love her anyway".

[MrNuts]

You need to put your FANTASY aside and realize that porn and escorting is getting ducked over and over by a lot of guys who aren't you. (Porn at least is controlled- the partners, STD testing, etc. )

Post again after you've dropped her off or picked her up for a tour of some other city, and gotten the pictures of her a "date" took at some major landmark or tourist attraction. Post after you've leaned in to kiss her and her mouth smelled like latex. Post again when you've seen her Eros and Backpages ads and done the math with her spending vs. her prices.

Post again when you're willing to say "This is nasty, fucked up shit but I love her anyway".

Post again when you have said "My gf is hot and she loves me", post again when you go out on a date with her and spend nice time together. Post again when you go to bed and she gets on her knees and suck you like you are her lord.

[MdR Dave]

Post again when you have said "My gf is hot and she loves me", post again when you go out on a date with her and spend nice time together. Post again when you go to bed and she gets on her knees and suck you like you are her lord.

All of that has happened. None of it addresses my point.

[amberskyi]

Post again when you have said "My gf is hot and she loves me", post again when you go out on a date with her and spend nice time together. Post again when you go to bed and she gets on her knees and suck you like you are her lord.

okay...most guys dont realize that we're humans being too just looking to survive and love like everyone else.

[MdR Dave]

okay...most guys dont realize that we're humans being too just looking to survive and love like everyone else.

You're right- and you deserve love like everyone else.

My only point is that the guy needs to know and understand the life if he's going to honestly love someone in the business, not sweep the reality away and call it a fantasy.

A TS, escort or not, deserves love like anyone else- a love with eyes wide open, aware and accepting. Anything short of that is false.

I wouldn't want false love for myself, and I wouldn't want it to be all I could offer.

[METALFACE]

Its business and fantasy, its service to a paying customer. Most women dont enjoy escorting or doing porn but they have to do them to survive an make a living. Its hard sometimes for a trans women to find employment in fear of discrimination and harassment

[MrNuts]

okay...most guys dont realize that we're humans being too just looking to survive and love like everyone else.

I know you girls are believe me, thats why I always will treat you girls like you all deserve, like the great people you are. You are a very sweet girl amber I hope you never change. :Bowdown:

[lisaparadise]

It's alot, most men would probably not want to be in a relationship with a women that is all three let alone just one. But when you love that person unconditionally it all doesn't matter. You need to have her back in her transition as a women, you need to put your pride aside and know that doing porn and escorting is just a FANTASY. It can be hard at times, but at the end of the day she wants you in her life.

XOthats a pretty bold statement coming from a guy whos afraid to use his own picture in your avitar.hmmmmmmm

[dderek123]

I wouldn't date an escort. Even if I tried it would never work out because I wouldn't be comfortable with it. I think most people wouldn't.

There are TS out there that aren't working girls. Out here in Thailand I've heard estimates that around 90% of ladyboys have sold there body at one time. But hey, this is Thailand.

[METALFACE]

sweet but mean at times LOL ;) foolia

[amberskyi]

thats a pretty bold statement coming from a guy whos afraid to use his own picture in your avitar.hmmmmmmm

i can personally say that he is the real deal.you guys have seen his picture up here before (with me).

----------------
Now playing: Five Finger Death Punch - Meet The Monster (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/five+finger+death+punch/track/meet+the+monster)
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)

[amberskyi]

sweet but mean at times LOL ;) foolia

who me >_> im never mean *innocently whistles while looking guilty*

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Now playing: Five Finger Death Punch - Meet The Monster (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/five+finger+death+punch/track/meet+the+monster)
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)

[bte]

It's alot, most men would probably not want to be in a relationship with a women that is all three let alone just one. But when you love that person unconditionally it all doesn't matter. You need to have her back in her transition as a women, you need to put your pride aside and know that doing porn and escorting is just a FANTASY. It can be hard at times, but at the end of the day she wants you in her life.

XO

I have dated transwomen before and a couple of transguys. Although I could never date a TS who is a pornstar or an escort.

[METALFACE]

thats a pretty bold statement coming from a guy whos afraid to use his own picture in your avitar.hmmmmmmm

I'm not afraid I just like Dr. Doom lol

[amberskyi]

I'm not afraid I just like Dr. Doom lol

um i dont know how i feel about your photos being on here

[tsadriana]

I have dated transwomen before and a couple of transguys. Although I could never date a TS who is a pornstar or an escort.
Hmmmmm sounds funny....for me frebbe sounds ofensive chaging sheets with 100 guys for free or changing sheets with 100 guys who pay.how it sounds for u darling?
So to explain :a pornstar does movies for money and she has success,escort does sex for money and maybe she does great.
But how is when u like a tranny and u find that in her bed was more then 100 guys but all for free ....how u feel about it?

[MdR Dave]

Best thread ever!

Props to Dr. Doom, though.

(you're better looking than that, and braver than I am.)

Now, about the private message function. . .

[archineer]

I've been there, done it and it just doesn't work. I can't date a girl in the adult business, not only does it put a real strain on the relationship but it would seriously hurt my business if I was dating a porn star/escort.

[tsadriana]

I've been there, done it and it just doesn't work. I can't date a girl in the adult business, not only does it put a real strain on the relationship but it would seriously hurt my business if I was dating a porn star/escort.
but if u date a girl who is not pron star but she slept with more than 100,s guys and for free will not put strain in ur relantionship?or u beleve that she was virgin Marias and u are her first love?

[BigBlackMan]

Nope never date escort or porn star

[archineer]

but if u date a girl who is not pron star but she slept with more than 100,s guys and for free will not put strain in ur relantionship?or u beleve that she was virgin Marias and u are her first love?

That's in the past so no. The two aren't comparable at all. If she was sleeping with 100's of guy's while I was with her that would be a different story.

[tsadriana]

That's in the past so no. The two aren't comparable at all. If she was sleeping with 100's of guy's while I was with her that would be a different story.
whatever.

[archineer]

whatever.

:hide-1:

[METALFACE]

Best thread ever!

Props to Dr. Doom, though.

(you're better looking than that, and braver than I am.)

Now, about the private message function. . .

Yes Doom, ruler of Latveria ;)

[METALFACE]

but if u date a girl who is not pron star but she slept with more than 100,s guys and for free will not put strain in ur relantionship?or u beleve that she was virgin Marias and u are her first love?

That's kinda a good point, the guy would still not like it because it would be in the back of his mind. At least porn/escort there is a business side to it

[amberskyi]

That's kinda a good point, the guy would still not like it because it would be in the back of his mind. At least porn/escort there is a business side to it

"money rules everything around me...dollar dollar dollar bill yall"....lol

[Ineeda SM]

It depends on what you mean by "DATING". If you mean casual dates from time to time with no commitments, then yes to TS/ adult model/or an escort.

But if you mean a 1 on 1 true love relationship with commitments, then YES to a TS, but absolutely NO to an adult model or an escort. I don't share.

[METALFACE]

"money rules everything around me...dollar dollar dollar bill yall"....lol

c.r.e.a.m.

[Louis_K]

okay...most guys dont realize that we're humans being too just looking to survive and love like everyone else.

I definitely would date an escort and have even attempted recently but it didn't work out (as yet) .

In the long term, I would hope to have them transition out of it assuming the relationship intensified and I would do whatever I could to assist in that regard (financially or otherwise).

But, in the beginning I could take it as it is and not sweat it as long as we both could handle it. Similar to dating a stripper.

Louis

[alpha2117]

It really cant work often.

If the guy is okay with it then the girl will eventually lose respect for him because he's okay with it

If the guy isn't okay with it then he loses respect for himself and the girl If she continues working.

It works if the people have drug habits because those people dont have self respect but if the girl and guy are normal average people then the inherent strain is cancer to a relationship.

When I was younger I dated a girl who worked and it simply didn't work because no matter which way you cut it working means that your partner is having sex with someone else and I simply wasn't okay with that and any girl I was going to be with longterm wasn't going to be someone who wanted to live that way.

If I started a relationship with a girl who was working again then I'd ask her to quit. I earn enough money that I could support someone reasonably well if they weren't able to get a high paying straight job. Some girls would hate that because they like independence but it's always a trade off in life.

[Tyler___Durden]

It's alot, most men would probably not want to be in a relationship with a women that is all three let alone just one. But when you love that person unconditionally it all doesn't matter. You need to have her back in her transition as a women, you need to put your pride aside and know that doing porn and escorting is just a FANTASY. It can be hard at times, but at the end of the day she wants you in her life.
My current and previous partners knew I escorted before they asked to date me. Disclosure is the main thing. Trans? A big deal coz of how hard most of us are to live with! My man is seeing me (almost 3 years) despite all this stuff.
He just wants to date me, the person.

The head-frak aspect is why so many trans women date other trans women.

[Tyler___Durden]

I wouldn't date an escort. Even if I tried it would never work out because I wouldn't be comfortable with it. I think most people wouldn't.
My man thought the same. ;-)
Truth is that you date the person, not the job.

[Tyler___Durden]

If I started a relationship with a girl who was working again then I'd ask her to quit. I earn enough money that I could support someone reasonably well if they weren't able to get a high paying straight job. Some girls would hate that because they like independence but it's always a trade off in life.
If you were my partner or potential partner,
I'd ask you to also quit your job and to instead find another job,
where none of your work skills or work history are applicable.
After all, fairs fair.

[Prospero]

Tyler - I think you are in many ways a very sorted person and your boyfriend/partner is also clearly quite a remarkable person. Indeed you do date the person, not the job. So a girl might go out with a cop, a bloke might date a woman who works in psychotherapy etc.... but there is one crucial difference about a sex worker, surely. That difference is that sex is located at the heart of our relations with each other - with our partners that is - and inevitably jealousy must be there in some shape of form and anxieties and so forth. He might wonder - do I measure up to the guys she is seeing professionally? is she at risk? And just that area of intimacy which in most relationships is kept as special between two people is not there. The partner must sometimes be anxious - perhaps the girl will be attracted especially to that client who is dazzlingly good looking, bright or amazing in bed. Insecurity is core fact in many relationships to begin with. And from the escort's point of view isn't there a egree of insecurity also. Will your partner stray because he sees you as straying through your work? Will he finally reject you because he meets someone who does not sell her body for sex? Etc etc. Okay love or special feelng is contained in the relationshp and excluded in professional dealings. Certain things are off-limits professionally. For many escorts this means no kissing (but many do) it surely should mean no bareback sex - though again there are frequent reports of those who do offer this (most must surely be HIV poz and know this) and if you and your partner are tested this is an area of intimacy you can share that is special. Obviously all the other intimacies that a couple share can be there - of knowing and feeling and understanding etc. But if sexuality s not a privileged area between you it really does add an extra layer of difficulty - and relationships are hard enough to sustain anyway.

Of course there is hypocrisy here. Many of your clients will be married men who will certainly NOT be telling their partners that they are seeing an escort. You at least have the truth laid bare with your partner. And he can be pretty assured that you are not giving yourself emotionally to the guys that come to call. The wives and girlfriends of punters have no such knowledge.

But anyway ......Just wondering!

[Prospero]

Oh a qualifier to my last long post. I assume we are talking here about a serious relationship - not casual dating. That's an entirely different story.

[alpha2117]

If you were my partner or potential partner,
I'd ask you to also quit your job and to instead find another job,
where none of your work skills or work history are applicable.
After all, fairs fair.

No it's not, no matter what way you cut it escort work means you have sex with someone else, that's not a career, I'd be fine quitting my job and moving elsewhere if I was in love with someone - I could always get another job but the escort thing is different thats someone having sex with my partner and theres no way I'm accepting it. Lifes too short to deal with that sort of crap.

[Tyler___Durden]

Alpha2117 & Prospero.
I'll answer you both as there is probably a lot of overlap on this.
My stuff here is mine only and other trans and other Trans-Providers may have different thoughts.


My replies are based on a full relationship rather than casual / occasional dating, which is a different dynamic entirely.
In my man's case he knew I escorted long before we met. When we did meet, it was social. And there was no way he would ever consider dating an escort for the same reasons you and Alpha say in your posts on this thread. He isn't overfond of me escorting,to say the least. But that is part of the deal of a relationship with me; I'm up front about my career, long before any person has any emotional investment in me.
I know he worries about my physical and health safety.
Sometimes he goes up high ladders on dark windy nights, as part of his work. I hate that. But accept.
Special intimacy? Truth is the most basic sex stuff between loving long term partners
is far better than any Porn star experience / PSE, a client ever experiences with a Provider.
And bareback has happened twice with clients. Once the condom split (or possibly the client deliberately damaged the condom, putting it on) The other time a client took it off without me knowing. Both instances involved a trip to the GUM clinic the next morning and the subsequent totally horrible 28 day courses of PEP >>>Details<<< (http://www.tht.org.uk/informationresources/hivandaids/postexposureprophylaxis/whatispep/)

Some clients are yummy. But my man is the person I want to snuggle up with at the end of the days work.
I just asked him about this. It's not a fear. He suspects the people I see a as clients are not the people I'd want a relationship with. (I just learned something. :-))

As to him straying – Can't happen. I escort, done porn plus a ton of recreational sex over the years.
I'm pretty neutral about sex being on some sort of pinnacle.
Poor is the person whose pleasure depends upon the permission of another*
If he wants to shag with others, fine. Brill even. As long as I'm his significant other, that's all that matters to me.
Will he finally reject me because he meets someone who does not sell her body for sex? No.
He might fall out of love with me and love another.
But that would be for the same reasons relationships finish between non-escorting couples.


A lot of the thought processes for escorting are far removed from the rest of society.
Which makes it so hard for others to really understand where escorts are coming from.

Throw in the transsexual aspect then there is a whole other dynamic to consider.
Most transsexual women are selfish. We have to be to do this, to survive.
We are single minded. We make targets and nothing gets in the way of that.
Transition is the period where a Transsexual woman goes from presenting full-time to the outside world as a man,
to where we present as the women we really are.
Post-Transition is the period after that. Where you blow a ton of money on hair removal, hormones, Gender-psych sessions, face and body surgeries. These things take a ton of money. A ton.
I've blown £30k+ so far. That's rather a lot. Escorting allows me to access these essential things.
Anyone who goes into a relationship with me is aware of this and decides accordingly.
Harsh? Yes. But that's the deal.



*Madonna stole that from me!
She just read this post, then later found a time machine, and went back to 1990 and asked Lenny Kravitz to include the line in a song he was writing for her. (meebee )

[Prospero]

Tyler - a very illuminating answer. Thank you.

...."Sometimes he goes up high ladders on dark windy nights, as part of his work. I hate that. But accept."

is your partner Santa Claus?

[Tyler___Durden]

Big grins!
No, but he certainly know how to fill my stocking!

[Dkg]

Tyler - I think you are in many ways a very sorted person and your boyfriend/partner is also clearly quite a remarkable person. Indeed you do date the person, not the job. So a girl might go out with a cop, a bloke might date a woman who works in psychotherapy etc.... but there is one crucial difference about a sex worker, surely. That difference is that sex is located at the heart of our relations with each other - with our partners that is - and inevitably jealousy must be there in some shape of form and anxieties and so forth. He might wonder - do I measure up to the guys she is seeing professionally? is she at risk? And just that area of intimacy which in most relationships is kept as special between two people is not there. The partner must sometimes be anxious - perhaps the girl will be attracted especially to that client who is dazzlingly good looking, bright or amazing in bed. Insecurity is core fact in many relationships to begin with. And from the escort's point of view isn't there a egree of insecurity also. Will your partner stray because he sees you as straying through your work? Will he finally reject you because he meets someone who does not sell her body for sex? Etc etc. Okay love or special feelng is contained in the relationshp and excluded in professional dealings. Certain things are off-limits professionally. For many escorts this means no kissing (but many do) it surely should mean no bareback sex - though again there are frequent reports of those who do offer this (most must surely be HIV poz and know this) and if you and your partner are tested this is an area of intimacy you can share that is special. Obviously all the other intimacies that a couple share can be there - of knowing and feeling and understanding etc. But if sexuality s not a privileged area between you it really does add an extra layer of difficulty - and relationships are hard enough to sustain anyway.

Of course there is hypocrisy here. Many of your clients will be married men who will certainly NOT be telling their partners that they are seeing an escort. You at least have the truth laid bare with your partner. And he can be pretty assured that you are not giving yourself emotionally to the guys that come to call. The wives and girlfriends of punters have no such knowledge.

But anyway ......Just wondering!

Co-sign.

relationships are hard enough when she isn't in the industry. I have no idea how some guys get through it when she is. I'm sure it takes more than just love and trust.

[METALFACE]

Co-sign.

relationships are hard enough when she isn't in the industry. I have no idea how some guys get through it when she is. I'm sure it takes more than just love and trust.

yes relationships are hard enough, and if shes in the industry it takes alot, there has to some sort of strong bond.

[tsadriana]

yes relationships are hard enough, and if shes in the industry it takes alot, there has to some sort of strong bond.
My opinion an escort who will have relantionship with guy will be tired to sleep with other guys as she wants to settle down.but when a girl who sleep with guys for no interest just for the pleasure will always be like that.,who work in industry thinks for a chnage but who does just for pleasure with one ,2 100,s guys will always be like that.so what relantionship could be that?

[METALFACE]

My opinion an escort who will have relantionship with guy will be tired to sleep with other guys as she wants to settle down.but when a girl who sleep with guys for no interest just for the pleasure will always be like that.,who work in industry thinks for a chnage but who does just for pleasure with one ,2 100,s guys will always be like that.so what relantionship could be that?


No one but the two in the relationship will ever understand, the long talks that make u both tear up,talks of reassurance and promises that the escorting will not be forever. As i have learnd to do this, and i have my girls back 100%,

[amberskyi]

No one but the two in the relationship will ever understand, the long talks that make u both tear up,talks of reassurance and promises that the escorting will not be forever. As i have learnd to do this, and i have my girls back 100%,

its not for everyone.if you can deal with it great if you cant than oh well.im at a point where i no longer see a reason to defend choices that i made in order to not only survive but to flourish in my transition.its not something that is forever but for right now its necessary.
ive been lucky in finding someone ;) who may not relish the idea but understands.sure we've had our moments where is just became too much (my 6 month hiatus) but we've come to and understanding based on honesty,communication and direction.

[mealticket]

I think if you are going to date some one in one of those industries then you will have to be able to handle the jealousy and everything else that may come with it...either that or make sure to take care of them so they no longer have to work in that field...if they like the work then you will have to accept it and not try to change them....

[tsadriana]

I think if you are going to date some one in one of those industries then you will have to be able to handle the jealousy and everything else that may come with it...either that or make sure to take care of them so they no longer have to work in that field...if they like the work then you will have to accept it and not try to change them....
and who wants to change them if they really love them to support them to not be necersarly escorting anymore.
example: stop escorting because i love u or u love me
question :how do i suvive then?
if many people sees as very wierd so for us as trans woman is hard to find the job we want and another thing is to deal with racism ,dicrimination and homophob sick people who doesn`t understand that actualy our lifes is always a batle to suvive in this dificult world to not say cruel world.

[ashymon]

I would think that if I loved someone I would do anything for her. If she escorts because she needs money, I would take care of her so she diddnt need the money. If she needed money for transition, I would help her so she did not have to escort to pay for it. If she escorted because she liked sex with multiple partners, then she probably would not be the person for me.

[tsadriana]

I would think that if I loved someone I would do anything for her. If she escorts because she needs money, I would take care of her so she diddnt need the money. If she needed money for transition, I would help her so she did not have to escort to pay for it. If she escorted because she liked sex with multiple partners, then she probably would not be the person for me.
very good point.but how many guys think like u?

[MdR Dave]

very good point.but how many guys think like u?
We ALL wish for a perfect world, Adriana.

We also all happen to live in this one.

[tsadriana]

We ALL wish for a perfect world, Adriana.

We also all happen to live in this one.
Thats so true.